Friday, February 26, 2016

Passive-Aggressive Wizard Generator, or, d12 Alternatives to Geas

The Wizard wants you to do something! How's he gonna make you do it?


  1. Invites you over for tea and crumpets. They both taste a little yeasty. That's actually the eggs of long, horrible worms that will coil around your spleen and nibble at it until you complete the quest, at which point they will leave peacefully through a randomly-determined orifice.
  2. Knows the true name of a violent, terrible storm. Will instruct the storm to follow you around and ruin anything you try to do that isn't complete the quest. The storm hates the wizard and obeys him out of necessity, but can be coerced into joining forces to take revenge if you can learn its language.
  3. Has been spying on you. Polymorphs an NPC essential to a quest you were just about to complete, into a speechless newt. Then kidnaps them. Will return them upon successful completion of the quest.
  4. This is basically just a crueler geas. Magic Missiles shoot painfully out of your posterior, dealing 1 damage and striking a random target, whenever you stray from the quest.
  5. Steals your true name. You become a 0-level schmuck and your XP resets to 0. At 500 XP, you may take a level in any class available to a member of your race. Upon completing the quest, you may regain your original class and XP total or keep the new one. In case of the latter, you get a new true name.
  6. Transforms into a malignant tumour at the base of your neck. Insults you constantly, seizes control of your nervous system and has you smack yourself in the head whenever you stray from the quest. If they die, you die. If you die, the tumour pops off and transforms back into the wizard.
  7. He gives just a little too much exposition as to how he's going to destroy the world/ruin your day/whatever, then teleports away. The only way to stop him is to do the thing he described first. Except he was never going to do it.
  8. Invades your dreams one night and sneaks the quest in as a "prophetic vision." Dreams will get more and more dire if you don't comply.
  9. As geas, but a random possession of yours turns into a snake at every sunset until the quest is complete.
  10. Sends mooks to kill your loved ones, shifts the blame in such a way that you would complete the quest.
  11. Traps you and your friends in really awesome powerful enchanted armour that refuses to do anything not related to completing the quest. Including lying down, or opening up so you can eat. Also the suits of armour can fuse into a super-armour robot hero. He'll want the armour back when you're done.
  12. Polymorphs you all into animals, your animal forms will be instrumental in completing the quest. He'll offer to change you back when you're done but like hey this is kinda cool.

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