'So I just submitted
this madness to the
Seventh Order of the Random Generator.
It uses all of the Zocchi dice to make a really weird plant for your game.
EDIT: I forgot that one of its alchemical properties begins with "if consumed whole and through the anus..." so I guess this is apparently NSFW. I made these tables a while ago.
Ok here are the tables it's based off of:
dEverything weird
plants
d3 - Attitude
1.
Predatory
2.
Evasive
3.
Defensive
d4 – Growth
1.
Tall
2.
Expansive
3.
Deep
4.
Parasitic
d5 – Appearance
1.
Normal for its type
2.
Brightly coloured, psychedelic
3.
Colourless, appears dead
4.
Particularly lush, damp
5.
Bulbous, sickly
d6 – Mobility
1.
None whatsoever
2.
Creeps slowly, following the sun or moon
3.
Walks
4.
Prehensile leaves/branches
5.
Dances alluringly
6.
Can get up and fucking run
d7 – Senses
1.
Sensitive to light
2.
Sensitive to loud noises
3.
Reacts to being cut or plucked
4.
Enjoys being sung to
5.
Avoids humanoids
6.
Smells magic
7.
Changes its appearance indicating incoming
weather patterns
d8 - Plant type
1.
Flower
2.
Tree – desiduous
3.
Tree – fruit-bearing
4.
Tree – evergreen
5.
Moss/lichen
6.
Shrub
7.
Vegetable
8.
Vine
d10 – Smell
1.
Sweet and sugary
2.
Salty and metallic
3.
Like a rotting corpse
4.
Fresh and minty
5.
Musty and wet
6.
Peppery
7.
Slightly sour
8.
Odourless
9.
Reeks of excrement
10.
Savoury, like freshly-cooked meat
d12 – Primary visual
aspect (leaves, buds, petals, fruit) shape
1.
Bulbous, bell-shaped
2.
Spade-like
3.
Wet, droopy
4.
Thin, narrow, sharp
5.
Wide, bowl-like
6.
Semitransparent
7.
Round, flat
8.
Square
9.
Spherical
10.
Fan-shaped or conical
11.
Star-shaped with five points
12.
Long, curved
d14 – Texture
1.
Fuzzy
2.
Bumpy
3.
Soft
4.
Solid, brittle
5.
Very solid, hard to break
6.
Fibrous
7.
Rough, like sandpaper
8.
Smooth
9.
Spongy
10.
Covered in tiny, razor-sharp serrations
11.
Large, protruding spikes
12.
Furry and sticks like a burr
13.
Sticky
14.
Dry, bark-like
d16 – Colour/Pattern
(Roll for primary colour, and then determine whether there is a pattern (50%
chance). If there is, roll a d7 for the pattern and a second time for the
secondary colour)
1.
Bright red/polka dots
2.
Dark Green/Stripes
3.
White/Speckles
4.
Silver/Uneven patches
5.
Orange/Cloudy
6.
Yellow/Bumps
7.
Deep red/spots
8.
Dull brown
9.
Lush green
10.
Purple
11.
Deep, rich blue
12.
Pure black, no pattern, do not roll for secondary
colour
13.
Creamy golden white
14.
Light green
15.
Bright, neon pink
16.
Sickly greenish yellow
d20 – Locals use it …
1.
For consumption in ceremonial rites
2.
In potpouri
3.
To make tea
4.
to be gathered as part of a coming-of-age ritual
5.
As a staple food
6.
As a delicacy eaten in celebration of the
chieftain’s birthday
7.
To fashion bowls and baskets
8.
To show off as a status symbol
9.
To throw at criminals during public humiliations
10.
As a ward against demons/evil spirits/witches
11.
As sacrifice to their god(s)
12.
As currency
13.
To make paints
14.
To decorate their homes
15.
To adorn important religious objects
16.
As a traditional offering of peace after a
period of war
17.
To make paper
18.
For its alchemical application
19.
For medical purposes unrelated to its alchemical
application; it probably doesn’t work
20.
To flavour their meals
d24 – Alchemical
applications
1.
If smoked, it fortifies the spirit against fear
and protects it from the touch of incorporeal foes
2.
If drunk in a warm tea, it separates mind from
body and allows the user to visit another plane of existence
3.
If burned in incense, it intoxicates forest
spirits and draws them near
4.
If mashed into an ointment, its odour drives
away the undead
5.
If eaten whole, they who consumed it turns
invisible for a time
6.
If flash-heated in water and salt, its otherwise
harmless juices become a potent acid that burns through objects as green slime
7.
If strained and rubbed under the nose, the user
may see augurs signaling things to come in the next year
8.
If juiced and boiled down, it produces a resin
that can be used to stick any two objects together. They will be nearly
impossible to separate once it dries
9.
If mixed with another weird plant and mashed
into a chunky goop, eating it will cause fiery indigestion that purges the body
of disease
10.
If carried as a good luck charm, it the carrier
is impervious to illusions until the plant rots
11.
If burned slowly over the course of a few days,
the ashes may be spread on one’s body to make oneself invisible to demons
12.
When chopped up it releases a mist, the
inhalation of which causes gibbering madness and severe impairment of the motor
functions
13.
If consumed whole and through the anus, it
provides an exhilarating high that strengthens the muscles and increases
stamina
14.
If used to plug one’s ears, mixed with a few
sprigs of common grass, the user is immune to mind-control
15.
As long ones chews it, they are capable of
speaking the language of snakes
16.
Bottled and buried for a month with a few flakes
of gold, it produces a noxious gas the inhalation of which induces a terrible
flu
17.
If stuffed into the mouth of a fresh corpse
before burial, the body will rise as a zombie
18.
One may anoint oneself with its oils to pass
through barriers
19.
If touched, it kills instantly
20.
If cooked into a soup with hot peppers, the
eater will excrete pure gold
21.
Objects bathed in a mixture from the plant’s
juices become stronger and more solid – it is dangerous for living beings to
attempt this as their skeleton will fuse together
22.
If burned, the smoke will change colour when
disturbed by the words of a liar
23.
The plant’s seeds may be placed within a small
doll to give it life
24.
Its roots hold a record of the past – if these
are eaten, one gains some of the plant’s memories
d30 – Special
1.
Its leaves are like swords and it can use them
as such
2.
Grabbing and thrashing
3.
It creates seductive displays to attract and
trap living pray
4.
It can shoot spines
5.
Its leaves/fruit/branches/chunks of itself can
detach and attack you
6.
It is home to an army of killer bees
7.
It’s sentient
8.
It can shimmer hypnotically to hold you in place
9.
It hides underground and jumps up to surprise
you
10.
Little humanoids grow from it
11.
It can hyperaccelerate its growth to entrap and
overgrow enemies
12.
It fires out seeds – if these make their way
into your mouth, they will plant in your brain and begin to grow
13.
It secretes a white, viscous fluid that hardens
and sticks rapidly
14.
It secretes toxic gas
15.
It has no special power of its own, but is
defended by an extraplanar entity that will manifest when danger is near
16.
It is made by a wizard; its pollen bestows a geas. The plant’s leaves/petals will
turn to gold and fall off if the quest is completed
17.
Its bark/surface/patterning rearranges into
various magical runes
18.
It releases a cloud of spores that cause living
beings to become violent and attack one another
19.
It drops little explosives
20.
It secretes a highly flammable oil and can set
off sparks; the plant itself is immune to fire
21.
Its roots dig down and hollow out underground
chambers, which acts as pit traps
22.
Rather than releasing carbon at night, it
collects it in sacs that grow along its surface. It can pop these when
threatened
23.
Just your average, everyday carnivorous plant
24.
Herbivorous plant – its roots dig down and start
eating other plants
25.
When the wind blows through its leaves, it sings
a magical song
26.
It changes its appearance to predict the weather
27.
It messes with compasses and rearranges plants
around it to get travelers lost, then continues to mislead to hide the fact
that they are going around in circles
28.
It protects from harm any travelers who camp
near it
29.
It lets out innocuous white noise, making it
difficult to hear other creatures nearby
30.
The whole plant is actually the elaborate
camouflage of some other creature
